It's been a looong time since I've written in here. And it's about that time for the obligatory post where I reflect on the past year which has been so transitional for me - my first year of college.
I haven't really spent anytime organizing my thoughts before this post, so bear with me. However, a few things do come to mind right away.
Texas.
"For a few precious moments...I am back in Old Texas, under a high sky, where all
things are again possible and the wind blows free."
Yes, it's true. This year I have spent LESS time in Texas than any other year of my life. But what they say is true, you don't appreciate something fully until it's not there anymore. Texas PRIDE is something I've come to learn the true meaning of as well. Countless times this past year I've caught myself saying, "Well in TEXAS..." and the clause that follows usually makes a comparison to Missouri that states that Texas is in some way superior. Whether it's the weather (tee hee), the food, the location, the people, the music, the cities, the size, or the skies - it doesn't matter. Texas almost always comes out on top. My friends that I've made here from St. Louis and the Chicagoland area are more than used to it by now. They generally respond with a groan or by poking fun at the Texas stereotypes in some way. I absoLUTELY love being the "Texas" girl up here. I will admit that I milk it for all it's worth. I don't even mind living up to a few of the stereotypes now and then. I wear a James Avery Texas charm with a heart cut out on my necklace everyday. It's a conversation starter with the people that I serve at McAlister's. "Oh, what part of Texas are you from?" "Are you here for school?" "Journalism major?" "How do you like it here?" "Good luck with everything!" That is how those conversations typically go, and I love every second of them. Twice this year I've driven home, both times by myself, and each time I cross the Red River on highway 69 from Oklahoma to Texas, I roll down the windows, drive too fast, and have a little party. All by myself in my bug.The people in the surrounding cars probably think I'm crazy, cause I can't get the stupid grin off my face, but I bet one or two of them understands. I'm finally home.
I could go on and on about what I love about Texas and why - and maybe I will some day. Being away has made me realize that I do, in fact, want to come back after graduation. Of course I will go wherever a job is, but I pray that I find a job in Texas. Dream job at the moment: write or even edit for Texas Monthly. Texas Monthly is a fantastic magazine based in Austin, Texas - a city in which I am DYING to live. It's eclectic, young, full of diversity - so many things that other parts of Texas are NOT. People tell me that I wouldn't survive in Austin because a categorize myself as conservative. To them I say, bring on the liberals! I enjoy surrounding myself with people that think differently than me, and I am a big believer in agreeing to disagree. In my opinion, being around others who think exactly like you only breeds radicalism and ignorance - two of my least favorite things! Look at me, using "the dash". Mrs. Perrault would be so proud. But I digress.
Next is the whole living on your own thing. I must say I've enjoyed almost every second of it. It was no secret that by the time August rolled around last year I was ready to be out of the house, and I reminded my parents of this daily. Our relationship was probably at it's worst that summer, and as sad as my parents were to see me go, they knew that it was time. Being away from them was the best thing that could have happened to our relationship. Obviously they wanted updates regularly, and I was happy to give them. But unlike some parents, they weren't calling daily, demanding to know every detail of my life, lecturing from afar. If I had questions, they answered them. But for the most part, the parenting was over. I felt liberated, but more importantly respected by them. I no longer ask them if I'm allowed to do something, but I tell them: "My friends and I are going to St. Louis this weekend!" And the same goes for when I am home. At the same time however, I am constantly aware of the fact that they are making huge sacrifices to pay for my education, and at any second if they feel that I am not spending my time wisely up here they can take it all away in a second. It's a balance that works well for us, and is one of the reasons why this year has been one of the best of my life.
Friends.
At the beginning of first semester I remember posting tons of pictures of football games and other events as if to say, "Look, everyone from home, I LOVE IT HEREEEE!" Which I did, but I think I also subconsciously had to prove to everyone else that this was the right choice for me. Before you come to school everyone says, "Don't worry about making friends, everyone is in the same situation as you are, you'll be fine." Which is true, on some level. I had a blast all year long, but if I stopped to think for a second, I would realize that I changed "friend groups" several times. And they were all with people who at least knew of each other, which at times could make for awkward situations. I just wasn't feeling SUUPER connected with anyone. I don't know what I expected. That the first three people I started hanging out with would stand at my wedding one day? Obviously that sounds ridiculous, but when people talk about college, sometimes that's how they make it seem. And when it wasn't happening that way for me, I began to get a little discouraged. Eventually the phone conversations between my best friends from home and I became honest ones. At first we all discussed excitedly the things we were doing at school, who we were hanging out with, any boy drama - making sure they knew that we were having the total college experience. But then we were finally honest with each other. And it turns out we all felt the same way: we missed each other immensely. We weren't finding friends that even came close to comparing to the ones back home, and we were ALL worried about it. As soon as we realized that this was the case, we were immediately relieved. These things take time, and we'll get there. We will. And now we can rest in the fact that at the very least our friendships at home are so incredibly strong that they CAN last through months of being in four different states. Savannah, Katie, Tess, Amy. I love you girls. I live for our incredibly cliche Sisterhood-of-the-Traveling Pants moments, and can't wait until we have a billion more next time we're all together. Whenever that is.
I could go on. About the actual academic part (oh yeah, those are a part of college too), high points, low points, dorm life, apartment life, this summer, and future plans, but I'll spare you for now. Good posts are focused ones. Something I'm working on.
I think I might actually post this one to facebook. As much as I can't help but to harshly criticize my own writing, I've really been enjoying reading others' blogs, so maybe just maybe a few people wouldn't mind reading this. You could even throw me a bone and tell me whatcha think.
At any rate, this year has been absolutely fantastic. I should devote an entire post to how much I love Mizzou. Cause I really, really do. And I could write a freaking book. If the whole Austin/Texas Monthly thing doesn't work out, Mizzou would do well to hire me for PR or something. I could write songs about this place, I love it so much.
But that's enough for today.
